Dicovering your inner strength

1. Discovering new challenges

If you think you are weak and considering giving up on yourself, I must tell you that would be a mistake on your part. Trust me, I have gone through my pains, my struggles, my defeats, my misery, and my pain, and will continue to go through that every day as I go through my weight loss journey. I let my excuses and weaknesses get in the way of my goal. But one day, I looked in the mirror and told myself, “No more excuses.” It was time to really work. Put in work, do the work, and stop complaining about the work. And damn it was when I rediscovered my inner strength underneath my weak spirit. My spirit grew stronger. Now, I am not finished with my journey by a long shot. I will always be working progress just like every person on this earth. But, finding my inner strength has been the best thing for me, and I can’t tell you how much better I feel about myself. The steps I take.

1. Accepting new challenges.

2. Physically challenging myself

3. Mentally challenging myself

4. Never accepting defeat

5. Removing toxic energy.

There will be a thousand more steps you can take for your journey of inner strength, but for me, those are some of the few steps I take, and there will be more to come. You will grow, and you will learn, and you will endure to build a new you. During the height of the pandemic, I grew scared of the world. I was letting my anxiety defeat me every day. Missing out on great moments and feeling sorry for myself and just eating fast food every day. I’m sitting on my butt watching youtube clips and playing Madden all day. I was wasting away, and here was the real sad part. I had a gym membership and was doing nothing with it. One day, I talked to one of my best friends, who was helping his mom while battling throat cancer. But she kept fighting, not letting her cancer be an excuse, and we had a heart to heart talk, and she told me, “I am very concerned about your health, Devin.” She was talking to me like a concerned mom. And of course I gave her the old classic “I’ll work on it”. She looked me dead in the eyes, held my hand, and said, “No, you won’t.” It broke me because deep down, I knew she was right.

Something in my said to me, “This is your last chance,” and I kept listening to her in my mind with those words, “No, you won’t.” And kept hearing it over and over, and honestly, I got sick of it. I think she knew those words would drive me to do something, and thank goddness, she said those words. The first thing was to help with my mental health, so I seeked therapy. It was a major help. Then, I decided to use my gym membership and push myself to limit that I never thought I could reach. I wanted more; I wanted to keep pushing challenges, pushing for more, and more. I was done with fast food. I began hating my couch, lol. I just wanted to see what limits can go past.

1. 3:30 am 1 hr yoga session

2. 2 hour work out session at gym

3. Finding new challenges

4. Meditation

5. Work on new projects

6. Strict diet plan

7. Do it all over again.

8. Never give up on the goals

9. Endure punsishment and defeats

10. Learn from that punishment and defeats

A little sweat never hurt nobody, and a deafeat doesn’t mean you have to stay defeated. The struggles and losses were massive, but I wanted that, not for the excuses to give, but I wanted to learn. I didn’t mind embarrassing myself at the gym. I wanted to come back to prove myself, “I can f***ing do this.” Everyday, I told myself that and still do. I guess the reason why I am sharing this is because there are people out there going through the same struggles that I am going through, and I want to tell you and all of you. YOU CAN F***ING DO IT!!! All you have to is just get up and try.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, and if you have experience, please share your story, give helping tips, or just give a motivation speech. Anything for positive energy helps. But in the meantime, thank you and have a good day. Peace.

The Lox vs Dipset.

I can remember a time back in my teenage days back in High School, being a 16 year old kid who was always blasting mostley west coast rap full blast before going to school every morning various rappers like “E-40”, “Too Short”, “C-Bo”, “Yukmouth”, “Mac Dre”, “Snoop Dogg”, “The Dogg pound” “Dj Quik” and etc. Also had a deep love for the south rap scene as well. But growing up it was all about the west for me, it was like a traditon passed down, my two older brothers and uncles and even my father who cant stand rap these days engraved it into my head. But east coast didnt get to much love. Some east coast rappers made it into the mix like “Nas”, “Rakim” “Wu-tang” “redman”. “DMX” and etc. Now we didnt hate east coast rap it was just the west was number 1 in my heart. But another East rap trio caught my attention a long time ago and and still blast their music to this day.

I was a big fan of these guys ever since I heard them on “Money power and respect” featuring “Lil Kim” and “Dmx”. “Sheek Louch”, Jadakiss” and Styles P” form the Lox. They had hits and each one was great on the mic and each one of them had good solo projects in my opinion. They convinced me in the late 90s to give east coast rappers more play in my to big to fit on my bookshelf cd player. As time went along and and going to highschool times and the rap scene somewhat changed. My fellow classmates started wearing pink which that hella caught me off guard. And then one faithful day after school I see “Camron” video “I really mean it” Camron comes out of the escalade wearing a pink coat and pink boots. Then i told myself “ohhh” when i figured it out.

Dipset was everywhere, hit after hit, every house party, every time you turned on “Rap city tha basement” or “106th and park”. They just kept coming out with the tracks. I wasnt feeling their music but I could not deny or hate on their impact. And they did keep the parties going. Their music videos were cool to watch and they were trend setters when it came to fashion. They had it all, the swag that early 2000s teens wanted, they were killing it.

Over years, over all the hits and transitions every artist went through in their respected careers and it leads to something, something that could be possibly be bigger then all their hits combined. Their “Versuz” battle maybe the biggest. Now over the past year we have had differnent music artist get in on the action. You had “Snoop Dogg” vs the late great “DMX” (RIP). You also had Teddy Riley vs Babyface. Keisha Cole vs Ashanti, “Earth Wind and Fire” vs “the isley brothers”. (Steve Harvey ruined that one for me). Keith Sweat vs Bobby Brown and of course the controversial “Jeezy” vs “Gucci Mane”. My favorite one of course was “E-40” vs “Too Short”.

Then it was announced “The Lox vs “Dipset” Madison Square Garden.

Leading up to the battle the set up was perfect and quite funny. The back and forths on social media were funny. I learned Styles P is hilarious as a internet Troll. The exchanges that him and Jim Jones had kept my attentions on a high alert. I mean this guy from thr bay area who didn’t bump much east coast rap but this battle, this build up kept my attention and the more i saw more anxious I was getting. Then the day finally comes.

The stage is set, Madison Square Garden is packed with fans, rappers, athletes, thugs, gangsters etc. Michael Buffer the Michael Buffer is front in the middle of the stage. The lox comes out first to DMX “Intro”. I had goosebumps, it was like watching 3 Mike Tysons storming the stage. These guys were hella ready.

Then it’s Dipset turn to come out and they came late. Camron arrives finally with a beach chair. One group was there to have fun while the other, well you saw what happened.

Jadakiss came for blood and Dipset did not have a answer for him. He took over while calling Dipset for “lip- synching” he was funny, he performed great along with his fellow members. It was fun and high energy and the catalog songs that they were bringing out was great. I am not from NY but for a minute watching the performance I felt I was from NY.

On the Dipset side they seemed off, low energy, forgetting lyrics, Jim Jones looks like he fell off stage, Juelz Santana prettt much throwing an Alley oop to the Lox with the “i dont think these dudes like girls” line and Freeky Zeaky looking like a Hype man dancer had me in tears. From multiple youtube channels i heard Camron almost left before the battle even started. Dipset chemistry was off. But overall I still enjoyed the their performances.

The lox wanted to take over everything,..including shoes lol

There was quite a bit of funny parts. The shit talking was funny as hell, Camron trying to kick off Styles P. Camron and zeeky mocking The lox during the D block song with thier marching had me cracking up. I know some people and and crtics had issues with the antics and some of the words said towarda each other buts its all love.

Overall this was so fun to watch and this is my favorite versuz battle out of them all. And i hope this series continues and grows bigger bigger and it was great to see the crowd enjoying the show. I hope musicans take full advantage of this and keep this thing going. Now for a wish list verzuz, here are some I would love to see.

“Dr Dre vs DJ Quik” “Tha Dogg pound” vs “Outkast. “Bone Thugs and Harmony” vs “Three-6 mafia”. And alot more.

If you are a hip hop fan i recommend watching it, its fun as hell, funny, and just exciting to watch and if this isn’t your type of show well thats okay but just let people enjoy the show and keep moving. Hope everybody has a great weekend and stay safe.

My experience after taking the Pfizer vaccine.

So last weekend the misses and I were scheduled to get our 2nd dosage and it was quick and easy but of course we had to wait 30 minutes but after that everything was all good. It was a nice sunny day, around 90 degrees and my mother was nice enough to babysit our 2 year old. We decided it would be a nice evening to enjoy some margarita’s.

Of course before all of that a couple of buddies of mine at the gym warned me that I would suffer some symptoms. But my hard headed self was like “naw im good”. But they looked at me sideways and decided to make bets on my illness. Sure enough the next morning after installing my ac units in my house and get everything finished so I can have a nice relaxing evening and enjoy some NHL playoffs in peace. To my not suprised I was feeling quite well, so well I cocky and decided to take the misses out for some brunch before picking the kiddo up.

Here comes the pain. During our brunch before we got our food, suddenly my wife started getting the chills, she was complaining about being very achy and she told me “its from the shot”. My hard head didnt want to believe her because I was feeling good still. After our breakfast we pick up our daughter and go back home and she is out of it. She had a high fever, she was cold then hot, then cold then hot all day. I had my daughter with me for a while and I let her watch her dinosaurs then all of the sudden I start to feel it. First thing I thought was “the guys at the gym are going to laugh about this”. My body was aching like crazy. I came down with a fever and couldnt eat anything and this thing lingered on me for two days straight while my wife only had it for a day. Missed the playoff games because I slept through the games. I was just happy my wife recovered. With the lack of energy I wasnt really able to help much.

Now I know some of yall arent believers in the vaccanation or covid and thats fine believe what you want i am not here to convince you. But i would warn people to be aware that your body will go though these symptons and if you dont, congratulations you are an X-men. But on the serious note please prepare yourself better than we did. If you have young kids, plan on having a sitter or somebody to watch over them while you are out of it. Treat this like you would treat the flu. Get plenty of rest, drink your fluids and prepare to bing watch one of your favorite shows or movies.

Overall i am happy to get it over with and do my part so we can get everything back to normal. Now back in the gym not having to wear a mask and go to stores without wearing a mask but of course I can feel the eyes and judgment on me now but life goes on. I hope my experience helps you in going through this process. I am not going to pass judgment on you if you dont get vaccinated thats your choice. I hope everybody stays safe and enjoys their days. Be well my friends.

Clout chasing Issue

What are you willing to sacrifice for the price of fame. Your dignity, your freedom, friends, family or just the respect for your name? It will come at a cost that is for sure and the rewards may you get you a couple of thousand followers but is it really worth it? I can remember a time when the popular didnt have sacrifice much in order to gain that status now its a whole new ball game out there. From people licking ice cream in stores, to socalites making fun if cancer patients and then getting their moment on the Dr Phil show. We even have close to 30 year olds trying to pretend to be high school student for their instgram status to grow. We even have people out there recording fake bomb threats and climbing on bridges and recording it. Will this trend stop probably not. Im not going to blame social media because you still have good people on there using it for good causes but this trend right here, “The clout chasing disease” will continue to spread.

Its scary to me because you never know when it will happen and or a loved ine can be caught in the cross hairs of this foolishness. I even seen a mad man in store pouring milk on himself and screaming like a maniac all for the clout. But their is only so far they can go with this because at the end there is no fame and fourtune, there is no hollywood knocking ageng knocking on the door or a phone call, the only thing waiting is embarrasment but not for them but for friends, family and ask yourself clout chaser, is it really worth it. Now i am not going to name these people or show of their videos because the virus has spread enough. And i do apoligize for using that word for this issue. I wish i could tell you just ignore it when you see it or if you do see it in public but i feel its imprortant for parents to warn their kids on this type of behaviour and show them there is no star in hollywood at the end.

Now is there any positive clout chasing, maybe. I have seen some social media sites use their clout to give money to the homless but that is all that i have really seen, for all that i know it could be fake, which i hope it isnt. I am not going to blame this on thr younger generation since i have seen people around my age group do alot clout chasing themselves and i know alot of teens in my family that do not use social media. So at the end i beileve the cause of this is of course people being toxic and they strive of it. I challenge the clout fame cloust chasers to use their abilities for good. Maybe show the ones that are influenced by there fame that this not the route to go. But that is just me keeping hope. Maybe i am the wrong person to talk on this topic but something needs to get off my chest and this one of them out of the million issues have with many things going on in this world. Hope everybody enjoys there day and hopefully it is peaceful for you. Enjoy your day my friends.

Maskless Karen….

Just the other while i was standing in line i witnessed the wrath of a maskless Karen. Now i am not here to lecture people on wearing masks. “Do you” is usually my attitude towards peoples beliefs. Anyway while at the store with my 2 year old we finally got my 2 year old to wear her little dinosaur mask only because she thinks she is a dinosaur with it on. While getting groceries we noticed a woman in a heated debate with another woman about masks. The woman of the topic decided to leceture everybody about how stupid we were for not wearing a mask. She also wanted everybody to know how she suffered from anxiety and other symptons.

Then she pointed her attention to me with my daugher and i was like “lord here we go”. She decided to tell me how i was abusing my daughter and wanted to tell me about her symptons. At first i wanted to ignore her until she wanted to come near my daughter trying to take of my mask. To me thats crossing the line and i stepped in the way. I wish had my phone on me to record this situation but i have a bad habit of not carrying my phone. So then we get into it and i tell her. “Look heres the thing about me i am over 300 lbs whos a suffers from asthma and has anxiety. I have suffered from these symptons since i was a kid but i also workout everyday, jog and weightlift with a mask on”. She looked dumbfounded and shocked and then moved on.

So this is my warning to you maskless karens who want to push their beliefs on me, the best suggestion is just plain “dont do it. Because i am not on your side when it comes to this. I train everyday and sometimes have my panic attacks but i stop, focus on my breathing and take a couple of minutes to gain my composure. And then take a hit off my inhaler and take another moment then go back to my workout because i am staying commited to losing this weight, not letting covid defeat me again and not letting these symptons defeat. So please, maskless karens do not ever preach to me about your issues because we are not teamates and leave people alone and never cross the line of ever approaching another persons child because not everybody has the patience i have.

Toxic Surroundings

Sometimes being surrounded by toxic people, toxic surroundings could help you build a stronger mental health. Being battle tested, more experience on how to deal with a toxic enviorment. We all have been there and we know a lot about it. Knowing the best way to get out of it and cleanse yourself. Now its never a quick fix, it takes time. Sometimes you have that really good friend who always puts you down for wanting to try new things and eventually you learn that their toxic negativity is effecting your friendship with them, its tough trust me i am going through it and it sucks but i also progress and work through it. I have worked through a lot over the years and the work will continue. As for the toxic surroundings just remember you always have a choice. Stay around it and or steer away from it. And also remember it takes work. If you feel that your enviroment has been taken over by negativity and its effecting your mental health. Take the time and think it over and work on yourself instead of falling into the trap. There is so many ways of doing it. Find new hobbies, find new challenges for yourself. If you have new ideas, go for them. Keep yourslelf busy and then you will find yourself having less time for the toxic surroundings and toxic friends.